I really need a mother's view with this.

[navydudenyc]

Hey, so yeah I'm 17 turning 18 October 5th. Haven't had a great GPA in my high school years. Anyway,

I really want to join the Navy as soon as possible. I know I have to give myself enough time to be sure I really want this. I talk to my mother at home and all she can do is tell me that it's a huge mistake. I sneak back into the room sometimes I see tears. She supports every other objective of mine except this career path I hope to embark with.

Now here's the deal!!

I told her I will be joining the Navy at some point. I'm about to register for classes next fall at the community college. I really don't want to go and I really don't want to let my mom down... I want to respect her thoughts but It's my dream my life? yes? lol
When and how should I tell her I don't want to go to college..

Navy Moms help me lol
Thanks so much for taking your time to read this and hopefully respond back.

Hope all your boys stay safe!

Dave

[sweetmtn]

First let me ask if you are graduating this year? So you are a senior in high school? What job do you want in the Navy? What do you really like to do? A lot of parents, moms and dads, just dont understand how good you can have it serving in the Navy.. This is where a really good recrutier can help..but YOU need to know WHAT JOB YOU ARE GOING FOR. The benifits of the Navy over going to college now..the navy will pay for most of your college in a GI bill..many jobs (they are really called RATES) will give you many college credits right there from the schooling you will have to go to.
Personally I am not a mom who was worried about my son enlisting...It was always encouraged..I come from a very large military family! Why dont you have YOUR MOM, join one of the many navy support lists like this one and a few others. That way SHE can ask the questions that seem to have her so upset and worried!

[navydudenyc]

Hey thanks a lot sweetmtn! I'll be enlisting as an IT. My recruiter has actually been really understanding and offered to visit my mom and talk to her. I think this may actually come down to that.

[AppleJax's Mom]

Hi there Dave!! I would say ask your mom to at least go to the recruiter with you and have a chat - tell her to go and with an open mind and listen - ask questions. That might allow her to understand why you want to join. I am sure the first thought that went threw her mind is Iraq and that she does not want you to end up there. Well not everyone that joins the Navy ends up in the sandpit. I went to every appointment with the recruiter my daughter had - my husband and I were fully involved with everything. Tell your mom to log on to this site and chat with us Navy Mom's - believe me we are one big family and support each other. Know this Dave what every you decide and should your mom not come around you have enough of us Navy Mom's who are there for you. Just be sure this is really what you want so you don't regret this down the line. Feel free to email me any time - my daughter has been in for almost two years. She is an MA and currently over seas. My email is ccrivera@hgvc.com. I would really encourage your mom to speak with the recruiter - but she has to have an open mind. I hope she comes around and fully supports your choice to join. Thank you for being brave and making a choice to consider and possible join to serve and protect our great country.
Keep positive I am sure your mom will come around and as I said we are all here to offer support, lend an ear and just be there!!!

Carrie
FL Navy Mom

[sweetmtn]

Yes, very good idea on going to the recruiter with you! Have her WRITE DOWN HER QUESTIONS AND CONCERNS! That way she wont forget what to ask.

[denmom]

Hello Dave,

As the others have said and I will repeat for general purposes.
Have the recruiter meet with your parent. Also have her join this site.

If you have already been talking to a recruiter this must be something that you want even if it is only a little bit right now.

My sailor was all set to go to college. We had her enrolled and were going to start financial aide stuff. Well she changed her mind at the last min. I think and she has since told me she realized she wasn't ready for college.
She still needed a lot of structure. She was afraid she would get caught up with the parties and what not and fail out of college.

If you know you are not ready for college the military is the next best think.
Tell your mom how you feel and why you don't want to go to college right now. Let her know you will get schooling and make something of yourself.
Let her know that if you don't go to college or join the service you could end up in a dead end job and not make something of yourself.
At least this way you have a plan and a goal. She may not understand now but she will come around. It could really help her to talk to other Navy moms.
I had no problem with my child going in as myself and my husband were both in. But my child had refused when every we mentioned it.
Now she is coming up on her one year anniversary in a couple of months and she really has no regrets.

I hope this has helped and I wish you the best of luck and thank you for the decision you are making.

[KYmom]

Welcome Dave,
Your mom will come around sooner or later. She is just scared and worried about what could happen. But as a mom I feel like my son is just a safe in the Navy as he would be at college, actually safer.
Give her time to warm up to the idea, she will be upset whether you are leaving for college out of state or going to the Navy. It's hard to face the fact your baby boy is growing up and won't be at home anymore.
As everyone has said have her meet with the recruiter and let him explain all the educational benefits that you can achieve through the Navy.
After she talks to the recruiter have her join the forums and talk to us moms.
The more she knows the easier it will be for her.

[NavyMomx2]

Hello and Welcome to the Cafe.

Let me start by saying I'm a Mom of two Sailors. The first, my son who struggled all the way through high school and was indesisive about his path after high school and had a choice to make. College or joing some branch of the Military. After a lot of thought, he choose the Navy. He could be doing what he wanted to do after high school right after A school instead of waiting four or more years after college. He now has two years worth of college credits for his short (he'll tell you it wasn't short) 7 months at A school and he is graduating A school the end of this month and heading to Japan.

My daughter, at age 17, decided she wanted to follow her brother and asked me to sign the waiver so she could join and be in the delayed entry program until after high school. I signed those papers knowing this was an awesome opportunity for her - for both of them.

Some things for you to remember when talking to your mom:
You will always be her little boy, even when you are 40 - in never ends.
She will always worry about you, even when you are 40 - it never ends.
She will always want to "take care" of everything for you - always - that never ends.
She is worrying about you being in the military during war time. We all worry about all our military during war time.

Points to remind her of:
Out of all the branches - the Navy is one of the safest to join during war time.
The Navy will allow you to travel, to experience places, cultures, people, and situations that no college will provide.
The Navy will give you an education while enlisted and in a lot of cases, enough money after you leave the Navy to go to college.
The Navy will make you into a well-rounded, self-assured, stronger man. (Not saying you aren't now - but it is amazing what the Navy can do)

Please let your mom know she is not alone in her worries and I, as well as many other moms on here, would be happy to talk with her and maybe answer some of her questions that only another mom can answer.

I am all for my children joing the Navy - it is an honorable thing to do - and I am extremly proud of their decisions - and yet - I worry daily about them, but the Navy has their back and I know they are well taken care of and they have many new brothers and sisters out there that now also have their backs. Once you join the Navy - you really do become part of a great big family. We look forward to welcoming you and your family into ours.

Good luck with your next talk with mom - we have your back son.

[Sirhcrod]

I went through exactly this with my mom, as she waws always opposed to the idea of me ever joining the military. I brought it up with her a lot but she was extremely irrational about the whole thing.

One day while talking about it I got very frustrated and said "Look, I'm going to do it whether you support me or not. You can either be there beside me and let me know I have you there to support me, or you can let me leave without your support." Obviously, I shouldn't have said that to my mother, but I was mad. We didn't talk for a couple hours and eventually she came to my room and said, "I know I can't make you change your mind, and I will always support you no matter what you do. I'd prefer you didn't leave, but if you do I will be there for you."

This meant a lot to me, and after this we were able to discuss everything the Navy has to offer me. I showed her all the research I had done, and with some time she really has become quite proud, and even happy for me.

Hope this helps you a bit, and good luck.

(And btw, my mom wanted nothing to do with my recruiter lol)

[SethsMom]

Hi Dave,

Listen to all the great advice from all who have posted. I really can't give you any more advice but this. My son, was 17 when he came to my husband and I and told us he wanted to join the Navy. Well let me tell you, I was a Navy brat. My dad was a Seabee for 27 years, he loved the Navy, my mom didn't. She had it hard with 5 kids, raising them primarily alone. So, I had my moms distorted views of the Navy. So when Seth told me he wanted to join I totally freaked out. I said, "&ell NO!" But, after awhile and time I came to see what Seth wanted. He also told me what Sirhcrod said to his mom. I am going to do it with or without you. So, we met with his recruiter, not once but several times. I MADE sure he didn't get screwed, that he got the rate he wanted. Made sure his recruiter worked for Seth and watched over him.

So, needless to say Seth was a Dep recruit, he was able to get two others into the Navy his senior year and so when he graduated out of boot he was already a E2. Seth is now in Bahrain as an MA (Master at Arms) and he loves it. He is happy about his decision...does Mom worry...YOU BET! But, God hears from me everyday, most days numerous times to keep Seth safe as well as all the men and women that serve.

I could not be prouder, I wear my Navy shirts...PROUD NAVY MOM and this Navy family is the best anyone could have. Tell your mom to come to this board and see what it is about, I started on the Navy website on their message boards until someone on there directed me to this website.

Good luck and just give her some time. She will probably come around and like me she is just scared and worried for you.

Sue

[Retired Navy Chief]

I think it is at that point in a young mans life when he grows a backbone and stands his ground (respectfully) to his parents that we know as parents .... it is time to let them go at it.

I'm not a mom, but as usual ... I have 2 cents to put in :biggrin:. My thought is that your mom is always going to be your mom and love you no matter what. I highly doubt that she would disown you for joining the Navy ... she just may not be happy until she actually sees you doing it and being happy with your decision.

Hopefully she will speak with the recruiter and the mom's on here ...

Above all else ... don't get mad at her for this. BE RESPECTFUL BUT CONSISTENT ... you'll get a lot more done that way. She's a mom and you are her baby.


Good luck to you .... hope to see you in a uniform soon !!
PISTOL

[MacGruff]

Navydudenyc - the advice you read here from NavyMomx2 and Pistol is priceless. I am not a mom, but a dad who went through the same experience with our son as you seem to be going through. Neither parent was happy with our son's choice. We wanted him to go to College, learn a trade, and get on with his life and chasing the American Dream.

One little problem there - this was OUR dream, not his.

It took him a few months to convince us that he was serious between the point where he told us he wanted to join the military until we agreed to support him in his choice. It was not an easy time for us as parents, but we came around to agree with him. This was done gradually with all three of us talking about the different options, the different outcomes, and what we all wanted for each other.

The parents (that's me and my wife) spent a lot of time talking to each other about this and researching information on then net and talking with friends, family and anyone who was in the military currently or in the recent past. Ultimately, we were able to quiet our fears and realized that this is the right next step for our son.

It is a process that will take time and patience (hard for a 17/18 year old, I know). Do the research and develop good answers to the "why?" questions. Talk with your recruiter and have them involved with you mom to answer her questions and act as a sounding board (I hope you have a good recruiter who will work with you), and ask you mom to join these discussion boards and ask her questions and share her concerns. The people here are knowledgeable, supportive, and have been in her shoes and dealt with her issues.

Good luck to you and your mom!!!

[Sirhcrod]

A lot of great advice here. One thing that I do want to recommend; do a ton of research beforehand. If you can go to your mom saying "This is what I want, this is where I'll go for training, these are my benefits, this is what I will learn to do, this is what I can do when I get out of the Navy... etc etc..." You will have earned a lot of your mother's respect right there, and ultimately she'll learn that this is really what you want (If us teens go through the trouble of researching something, it must be serious!).

Usually parents, or at least in my opinion, feel that their kids want to join the military as an impulse, and are going in without the correct information. Show mom that's not the case, and you'll win her over.

[Kristie]

Ditto what everyone has said....be sure to get her to join here to talk with us.....it will help her to talk with other Mom's that have been there done that....like navymomx2 I also did it 2 times and I could not be happier with their decisions.....

[KYmom]

Usually parents, or at least in my opinion, feel that their kids want to join the military as an impulse, and are going in without the correct information. Show mom that's not the case, and you'll win her over.




LOL. . . You would be surprised how many join up on impulse without doing their research and thinking it thru.

We made our son talk to every branch of the military before we would let him make a commitement to one. We also talked to the recruiter in Aug and Sept (my son was 17) and then in Novemeber we finally agreed to sign the papers for him. But we wanted to make sure that he was sure.

[navydudenyc]

Thank you all so much for your responses. As soon as I got home lol, I showed her this site. She was somewhat pleased but she really wants to know the negative aspects of Navy Life. She was telling me during a long 45 minute conversation, "David, In your first year your going to be holding boxes carrying heavy loads up and down the ship, People in your face throwing you around.."
My response,

"Mom, Isn't that military life?"

Can someone Sirhcrod or Retired Navy Chief anyone, please tell me the typical day of an E-1 enlistee, I know the ratings and what I will be doing in the Job but, The negative aspects of Navy Life.
If I could relay this information to my mother it would work greatly being able to show my mom I really have researched..

Thanks!

As soon as my mom becomes more computer oriented, I hope to have her here. Thanks for the PM's as well!

Dave

[KYmom]

Negatives ---
long hours - 7 days a week. (this keeps you from partying too much and spending money) LOL
You can't loaf, sleep in, and party your parents money away while you get bad grades at their expense. (this is in response to the kids that are away at college - having parties and not studying)


She was telling me during a long 45 minute conversation, "David, In your first year your going to be holding boxes carrying heavy loads up and down the ship, People in your face throwing you around.."


Depending upon you job rating - but then again ----- your gonna have that in the civilian world too. your gonna start at the bottom of the food chain no matter where you go in life or what you do.

By the time you get through there you will have on the job training and life experiences you can't get anywhere else. Plus you will have developed wonderful work ethics that alot of people don't have these days.

Negative from a moms point of view is - I don't get to see my son as often as I would like. But I know he is learning alot and seeing alot.
He left my boy and will never return as a boy but as a grown man.


Train mom on the computer and send her to us, or better yet bring her to chat with you on night and we will talk to her, (you can be her typist and help her out).

[Retired Navy Chief]

I would be happy to give you some insight to the life of an E-1 ... and I hope to show you some of the reasoning behind each of the negatives.

Let's look at life after A-school, because this is when you actually join the REAL NAVY !! You report to your first duty station ... more than likely a ship. This thing is going to be so foreign to you that you will wonder if you are even on the same planet. You will not know anyone, you will be one of the lowest ranked people onboard and will feel like you are all alone (negative #1).
Within the first 4-8 hours, you are going to be shown where you will eat, sleep & stow your gear. You will be taken on a tour of your ship and shown where to find all the firefighting equipment and especially the routes to safety. You will meet your new medical and dental health team, the people who will take care of all of your pay issues and the Command Master Chief who is probably the best resource for ANYTHING during your first tour of duty.

So ... here you have your first day onboard and you have ALL of your basic needs in life met.

You are an E-1 ... guess who gets nominated for every dirty job that comes down the line ?? YOU DO !!! (negative #2). Guess what ..... you are not being asked to do anything that any other sailor that has ever served in our Navy has been asked to do.

What will you be ordered to do ?? Here's a few things ... (not an all inclusive list):
a) Working Party loading stores ... food, parts, mail, ammo, tools, humanitarian supplies for less fortunate countries. This is sometimes an all-hands event ... I have run working parties where Lieutenant Commanders have helped out ... a strong, young E-1 should not expect to get out of it :shakeheadno:. The stuff has to get onboard somehow ... right ??

b) Mess Duty (aka Cranking) ... scrubbing pots and pans for 100 - 6000 of your shipmates, 3 times a day, for up to 90 days. EVERY ENLISTED SAILOR DOES THIS !! "Guess what mom ?? You aren't going to be there to clean up after me anymore and neither is anyone elses mom ... so we have to do it ourselves now !!!" We take care of our own .... always have and always will.

c) Get yelled at .... (oh please ... :rolleyes:). When you screw up ... you are going to be held accountable for your actions. Your decisions now affect peoples lives ... the stakes are much higher and so are the consequences. Noone is going to send you to your room or spank you on the wrist when you do something wrong.

There is going to be some yelling during training drills too. You are not going to be used to running IN to a fire to put it out .... most people tend to run OUT. We don't have the luxury of calling 911 to save us.

d) Paint and preserve the ship. Wow ... pride in where we live and taking care of our things ... what a concept !!! How well do you keep your room clean ?? This could be a selling point for mom hehehehe.


I could go on, but you get the idea. You are going to be doing things that aren't fun but have to be done regardless. You will be learning with everything you do. That is probably the best benefit ... learning lessons that will help you out for the rest of your life. Discipline, attention to detail, completing a task, commeraderie ... etc.

And all the while ... you will be traveling to new, exotic places and GETTING PAID to do it !!

Geez ... where do I sign up ?? :cool:

Cheers,
PISTOL

[sweetmtn]

You might geton the interent and have her watch the program on the PBS site...CARRIERS...MAYBE YOU SHOULD! It is 10 hours of a day to day life on a carrier for a 6 month deployment on the Nimitz! http://www.pbs.org/weta/carrier/

[AppleJax's Mom]

Hi there - just checking if there are any updates Kyle - has mom come around after reading what all of us had to say and speaking with a recruiter? I hope she did and that you push foward with what your heart tells you and join this great big family!!

Good luck to you and remember we are all here for you!!!

Carrie

[crochet]

I don't know if this helps...
In 1983 I didn't want to go to college. I was 19. I joined the Army. I didn't even tell my parents until after I did it. Times are different now. It is a scary thing to join the military and be sent....??? It was a great start for me. I loved the structure and discipine. And I felt like I was helping my country and getting paid. It sure beat working fast food. I loved my Army "family". Imagine what you would advise your son to do. :)

[cousinIT]

Well, I'm an IT, and even though I'm a female, we really don't do a lot of the dirty work that you will see some of your friends doing. Yes, you'll have to take out trash, and let me tell you about trash! Underway you seperate the plastics from the sinkables, and it's a pain in the rear! Everything has to be washed out because they melt everything down into a disk, and if there is any kind of food in the trash, it'll obviously catch fire. If you're in ADP (Automated Data Processing) like me, you'll do the trouble calls and run the help desk. I'm not exactly sure about Radio, haven't worked there yet! You'll just be responsible for getting your quals. Firefighting, maintenance, quals from your shop, things like that. You possibly will go cranking, a lot of people in my shop never did and they're 2nd classes and above. I went, and it sucks. But you'll make it through it, like everyone else. It's really not that bad...it's all of what you make of it. I love the Navy personally. Just hang in there, and if you have any questions, dont hesitate to ask!