I'm kinda nervous!

[pandemoniac]

To begin with, Hi all!
I'm Britt. My fiance (we'll be married before he goes to Basic) is the soon-to-be Sailor.

It's all been kind of hectic. To start out with, hes already done his ASVAB, and went through MEPS, and he's signed his contract to be an HT (I think that's welding).. His ship date for Basic isn't until May 14th. Now, the hectic part is this was all originally done in Texas, we were doing a long distance type thing, and he finally moved to Tampa, FL to be with me. Well, since he's left Texas, 2 months ago.. He's had no contact with his recruiter. Not for lack of trying though. He's called several times and even sent mail. He finally got through and is supposed to receive some information tomorrow. He's slightly worried his recruiter is going to refuse to send the paperwork and let him do the transfer. Do you think this will be a problem?

Other than that.. All this is now.. Just me being scared, I think. Everyone says it's normal.

First off, I'm willing to go wherever he goes. I'm worried I'll just get insanely homesick being so far from my family, worse yet.. If he gets shipped out and I'm left for months on end so far from my family. But I've heard there's all kinds of things to do on base.. And I'm sure I can always come home while he's out to sea.. Right?

Also - How feasible is it for us to live on base, or even an apartment just off his income from the military? He's already promised me I could be a stay-at-home wife.. But I want to know from others if it can work. Not that I'm not willing to work, we're just both very traditional and believe the wife should be with the family at home and he's adamant about it.

Second.. Are there any HT's here? Or spouses of an HT? I'd like to know what the job oppurtunity's are like after you're out. We'll be moving back to Tampa when he's done and we'd like to know where we stand.


Anyways.. I think thats all I have for now. I look forward to reading the forums a bit more and talking with y'all too.

Take care!

[Retired Navy Chief]

Britt,

Welcome to the Navy family !!! Lots of great questions ... and I am sure that most, if not all can be answered here.

I did the same thing by joining in one state but arranging to ship out of another ... when you called his original recruiter and couldn't talk to him, were you able to speak to anyone in the office (or is he the only one there ??) Ask for the RINC (Recruiter-In-Charge) ... they will help you.
If you are still fruitless in getting ahold of him, then go to the nearest recruiting office to where your fiance wants to ship out from and let them help you get things lined up.

Yes, the separation time is going to be rough. No doubt about it. There is a family service center on every base that will have things to offer for you to do and assistance when things get heavy. Your fiance's duty station will have a Command Ombudsman, this person is a spouse of one of the sailors at the command who is YOUR liason to the Commanding Officer. Often times, the OMBUDSMAN will be very proactive in putting together activities and get-togethers for all of the spouses left behind during deployment. Sometimes, they are just a name on a paper and they do very little for you .... kind of a crap shoot ;).

You should look into the option of moving home during the times of long deployments. Lots of spouses do this .... it helps both the spouse and the sailor (mentally). At the very least, do this for his first deployment until you get your "Sea Legs" and have a good support system put together where you are stationed.

Money is going to be very tight ... just be prepared. My wife and I struggled for quite a while with her being a stay at home wife. We made it, but had to rely on the base services A LOT !! Housing is available either on base or out in town and that means that you will be covered for the rent & utilities .... however, that just leaves your paycheck ... which in the beginning is pretty thin. (Talk to your congressman about that one ... we have been fighting it for years). As he makes rank, things will get better and you will be able to breathe easier.

You may decide that you want to look into an on-base job .... lots of fun jobs are offered at the Morale, Welfare and Recreation (MWR) department. You would be helping others enjoy their tour of duty as well as yours !!!

As for his job as an HT, you are correct, it is a professional welder. They do a LOT more than just welding and as long as he takes on every school and training opportunity available, he will be very marketable afterwards.

I am VERY familiar with his job field, as HT's are assigned to the same repair department that I was. I had several, very very good welders working for me at one time or another. Several were qualified to weld on nuclear systems (reactors, piping systems .... etc).

Standing by for any questions that you may have,

Cheers,
PISTOL

[KYmom]

Listen to Pistol, good advice there.

As Pistol said you may want to look into a job at base. I understand the wanting to be home if you have kids. But for the meantime whil you don't it will keep your mind occupied and help you cope better.
The more do nothing time you have the more depressed you will be doing nothing but cleaning house and thinking how much time left till he comes home. The busier you are the time will move faster.

I have almost always worked (don't financially have too) I would go nuts not working. Plus working somewhere gives you better opportunitys to meet people and make friends while it helps out the budget. As most of the girls will tell you the budget as a E1-E3 is not much. I personally don't see 2 people living on that salary alone.

Good luck, and visit us often.

[Kristie]

Welcome Britt....we are glad that you found us.....Pistol is giving you some great advise.....we are here for you and once you get to a base you will have a whole new family to be with .....

[rysmum59]

Hello Britt...Congrats on your upcoming marriage. I have no idea what it is like to be a military wife so how that will go I can't advise. I know that when my brother was in the Navy his wife worked while he was out at sea and it seemed to help her pass the time. As far as being a stay at home wife there is nothing wrong with that. Once we had children I stayed home with them while hubby worked and I don't regret a moment of it and both my boys have thanked me for that. Now that they are both out of the house I am a homemaker and I have to say that it is very unusual for me to find myself bored. Just be aware that if you are a stay at home housewife that you find that at times money will be a little tight and sacrifices will have to be made usually these sacrifices are things that a family really doesn't need to survive they are usually things that people buy to "keep up with the Jones". You will also find that being a stay at home wife and mom will get you some strange looks and some demeaning remarks stay steady in your course and know that you are doing one of the most important jobs in the world and that is raising wonderful children with a good sense of self worth and security!!!! Best of luck to you and your future sailor!!!!:smile:

[pandemoniac]

Thanks for the kind words everyone!

Well, he finally got ahold of his recruiter in Texas, and made a 'meeting' with his new recruiter, old recruiter and him to all talk at once (Codi and new recruiter meeting and calling the old one and putting him on speaker phone).. But low and behold, the old recruiter decided not to answer his phone. How surprising. But they got some things signed, the new one told him he'd make arrangements and call him tomorrow, and Codi has to come in and do some PT twice a week. So I guess things are well on their way!

Codi has to lose 10lbs, quit smoking (again, haha) and get back in shape which is motivation for me to start packing lunches and both of us going to the gym when we get home from work.

My mom's starting to have a hard time with it all. She's completely concerned about me not being home for the holidays and it makes me sad that she's stressing it. But such is life, right?

Also - I have another question! Are we allowed to have pets if we live on base? We have an 8 year old mini-dachshund that I couldn't imagine leaving behind.

Well, take care all! And thanks again for the great advice.

[Retired Navy Chief]

Great news !!!

Ya know ... there are just some good recruiters and some bad ones. Sounds like the new recruiter is going to do good by your fiance. I strongly advise that he make it a point to stop by the recruiting office AT LEAST weekly, more often is fine too. This offers a couple benefits ... 1) He will pick up a lot more useful information through the casual conversation and impromtu training and 2) He will stay motivated to do well in bootcamp and have less reservations when it's actually time to jump on the bus and go !!

Use a little reverse psychology on your mom. When she voices her concerns about how you might miss the holidays at home yadayadayada .... ask her if she would be opposed to you guys buying her a ticket to fly out and spend Christmas with YOUR family in someplace like Hawaii or Florida or Japan or Italy or ....... usually hushes things up pretty quick :biggrin: When she knows that she can be a part of this adventure too ... it won't be so hard on her.

Yes ... you can bring your pet !!! Usually there is a maximum of two pets allowed (any combination of cats & dogs). By the way ... when you have kids and they want pets ... keep in mind that they don't count hamsters, birds or fish as pets ... so you can have as many as you want !!
We adopted the native geckos that ran through the house in Hawaii ... they are really cool and we got a kick out of hatching the gecko eggs that we occasionally found throughout the house.

****** Bear in mind that some places you may be transferred to overseas will require your pet to be placed in a quarantine facility for sometimes up to a month !!! Hawaii used to be like that ... not sure if it still is or not. ******

Don't let that influence your choices of duty stations .... pets do just fine through quarantine.

Gotta have fun with it ...
Cheers,
PISTOL

[pandemoniac]

Things are still moving along! We're down to 26 days.
We were supposed to be married before he left, but it doesn't look like it's going to happen due to multiple issues. But, from what his Recruiters have told him.. I wouldn't be able to be with him for the first 6-8 months, due to him being in 3 different schools. At that point he'll get a 2 week vacation and hopefully we'll get it done then. Then I can go with him!

My mother is getting more and more difficult to deal with everyday. I feel so selfish having him here and having to deal with my mom instead of him being home with his mom before he gets to leave. Atleast his mom is supportive. My mom is still just bringing up the negatives to it all. There's no way to get her to shut up. She's even gotten to the point of trying to convince me it won't work since we won't get to see each other at all. Ugh, so over her. :mad:

Codi is getting increasingly nervous about it. I feel bad for him, I couldn't imagine being in his shoes. But I know as soon as he gets off that plane he's going to be fine, and I'm excited to see the new and improved (and disciplined! haha) man the Navy will make him after basic and some school.

Anyways, again. Thank you all for the advice and kind words. You're making it so much easier!

[Kristie]

Just hang in there....mom will come around....you might consider having her go to PIR with you....might make her realize just how important this is to him and you.....just a thought....but you also have to understand that as a mom it is NEVER easy having your child move away from you......hang in there and keep us posted.....I am glad that everything is moving forward...